Boredom = Hunger

20/10/10

For me at least, apart from the excruciatingly frustrating issue of not earning any money… hunger is a major challenge of being unemployed.

I’m usually very disciplined with diet. I’ve been living and preaching what I call the “Free Day Lifestyle” for over 10 years, but recently I have not been walking the talk. In fact, I’ve been running in the other direction.

It started with some casual work I had a couple of weeks back; early mornings, late nights and crazy deadlines; my routine went out the window. I’d say that was the first time I hadn’t exercised for a straight week, in over a year.

Then my Dad and Lyn came. Nice dinners, sweet treats and spontaneous wine drinking; I got the exercise back on track but as far as my diet was concerned, I was on a permanent Free Day. And I’ve been hungry ever since.

I used to say 70% then Michelle Bridges said 80%... either way it’s not good if you’re consuming more calories than you spend. 100% of how you look and feel is made up by 20% how you exercise and 80% how you eat.

I am 100% sure I have stuffed this one up.

Yesterday I twittered, “Today is a good day for me to avoid anywhere with muffins, date scones, chocolate covered licorice or slow walking people." It’s funny, as soon as I posted it, I went to the supermarket. 

You don’t need to be a psychiatrist to analyse, that’s self sabotage.

I got home and twittered again. “Supermarket Stalking. Past the muffins. Past the scones. Past the licorice, twice. Got apples. Whoopee.”

I ate an apple. Then I ate a muesli bar. Then another one. I found a packet of pecan nuts in the cupboard. I ate a handful. Two handfuls. I think there are about three left. Enough for a Three Pecan Pie. Then there was some chicken, leftovers from the night before. Did I eat that or was it a dream? Nope. It’s gone from the fridge. I definitely ate it.

I completed and deleted two gym sessions off the list yesterday, but by the end of it, I was feeling like crap. Still hungry and still thinking about muffins, date scones and chocolate covered licorice. Honestly, as far as calorie count is concerned, I would have been better off skipping the gym and eating the muffin.

I’ve written it before. How I look and feel is a big deal to me, it’s the core of my confidence so WHY the self sabotage? WHY when I finally have the opportunity (albeit unemployment) to refocus myself, when I have all the time in the world to resume routine, am I setting myself up to bring myself down?

This is a fine example of a time when I can control or create my own reality.If I carry on the way I’m going, my reality will be that I’ll go into summer wishing I’d got my shit together.

I don’t want to be looking at those beautiful frocks in my wardrobe, wishing I could wear one. I don’t to be walking into a job interview, knowing that I could have done it with more confidence and energy. I don’t want to be looking at photos of myself from earlier this year, wondering what the hell happened.

Who knows, maybe there are other issues that are surfacing while I’ve got time to sit. I’m not qualified to analyse myself at that level. One thing I do know, boredom is definitely a major problem for me right now.

So, this morning I revisited my list.

I reprioritised it and thought of as many things as I could to fill up my day. Secondary tasks become short term tasks. Deadlines for the week become deadlines for the day. Small goals designed to achieve a bigger one – to feel good about myself by the end of the day.

If you don’t know me very well and you’re reading this, then you might think this is all rather extreme. I’m an extreme kind of personality. If I wasn’t, I never would have got on stage in a body building bikini. Extreme times, extreme measures and all that.

To quote Dr Phil again, “How’s that working for ya?!” There’s one I like. Ask yourself the question. How IS it working for ya?

Or Einstein: Insanity – doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

If what you’re doing now isn’t working for you, then you have to change the script.

So here’s my (today) To Do. Deadline today.

To Do

Gym session - cardio

Job Apps away - Job X

Mitch re: Fri morning

Call Jo.

Washing

Vacuum

Bathroom

Kitchen

Call Viva First aid re course

If boredom is my problem, then it’s not an option. 

Gosh I’m hungry.