No Change.

28/10/10 8.30pm

“No change.” In different circumstances, talking about bad weather or bad weight or bad grades or right now, Bart Cummings, (sending healing vibes your way Bart), or any disease way worse than mine, those two words could be all bad news. But today, coming from the mouth of my magnificent Neurosurgeon Dr John Sheehy, the same man who went into the head of Mr Alan Jones… they were the best two syllables a girl could hope to hear. She hasn’t grown. She hasn’t moved.

“No change.”

The eye thing isn’t all in my head. Dr Sheehy got me to read the chart and did a basic peripheral test; standing in front of me with a pen, moving it to my extreme right and left, he said, “Yes, that eye’s a bit slow”, and referred me for a comprehensive eye examination… but as far as the tumour is concerned,

“No change. I’ll see you in a year.”

I wanted to jump up and hug him but he’s not that kind of Neurosurgeon.

As we sat in his office, watching him analyse my scans, I noticed the framed poem on his window sill.

I wrote it for him and the rest of the Famous Four, following my third operation.

It made me proud to see it there and it makes me awfully proud to confirm that it’s on the desk of every single one of them.

Here it is. 

Thank-you to all of you who sent me well wishes and prayers. They have been very well received.

And while I'm here, thank-you to Dave, the amazing man who has been with me through all of it and still loves me and my funny face.

Mindset. And other stuff in my head.

28/10/10

To Do

Gym session – Cardio

Letter & CV ready to go

Dr Depo

List Girl

HTP – Product Summary

HTP – How it Works

w/c 01/11/10

Venue #1

Venue #2

Venue #3

Circular Quay

Receipts to Medicare

Appointment made to see Accountant

Tax ready to go

Clean out kitchen drawer

I woke up this morning very aware that by about 5 o’clock this afternoon I’ll know something I don’t know now. I’ll know the results of my MRI. So, I can look forward to a great sense of relief or... well, I don’t know how I’ll feel if he tells me something I don’t want to hear. I could say we’ll “cross that bridge when we get to it”, but it’s not a bridge I want to cross.

Those who know me can skip this blog right down to *, you know this story. For those who don’t, here’s a rant, just so you know where I’m coming from.

I have a thing in my head. It’s a tumour called Meningioma. It won’t kill me but it does mess with the insides, threatening sight and sound. It would be way better out than in which has proven to be quite a challenge because it’s very hard to get out and it keeps on growing.

My first operation was in April 2006. It was a 6 hour operation. The goal was to reduce it enough so they wouldn’t have to go back in for another 5-10 years. They didn’t get out all they wanted to.

My second operation was in January 2007. It was a 7 hour operation. They were pretty sure they’d done what they needed to at the end of that one.

In 2008, my left eye started making room for something behind it. It bulged forward, interfering with my eyesight and making me look like a lop-sided goldfish. That stubborn bitch was back.

I was very annoyed because I had just spent the previous 10 months training to compete in Australian Natural Body Building Championships. I had (deliberately) gained nearly 20 kilos so I could confidently compete with the monsters that had beaten me the year before.

In October 2008 those incredible surgeons went in again and this time they meant business. They brought in the best, two surgeons this time for a 9 hour operation.

My recovery was apparently amazing. I spent another 4 or 5 weeks in hospital, visited by groups of young doctors and introduced as the “most successful operation of its kind” in Australia. I believe I owe most of that to hard training and good nutrition. As it had repaired the muscle to build new muscle over the previous months, my body saw the operation as another “injury” and set about healing it fast.

Most people say they don’t notice; I think they’re just being nice. My eye has mostly gone back to where it belongs, but it’s still a bit protruded. You know the guy who plays David Rossi on Criminal Minds? Joe Mantegna? Yeah, like his eye. I often wonder if he has a Meningioma.

The nerves on the left side of my head are confused. I can poke myself in my left top lip, nose or cheek with a toothpick and feel nothing. Dentists can go to town on my top left gum, I don’t need anesthetic. I can feel my nose by rubbing my cheek. And if I have an itch on my top left forehead, I can relieve it, by scratching the back of my head. My left forehead doesn’t move at all. It’s flat. No worry lines there. Every three months when the Botox wears off, I can independently raise my right eyebrow just by looking surprised.

Mostly I can be funny about it. But sometimes, when fate is messing with your face… well, I have my moments.

* So, exactly 2 years after my last operation, I’m heading back to St Vincents to review my head. Last year was all good, no changes; fingers crossed, nothing’s changed again.

The thing is, my eyesight has been a bit weird over the last couple of months. Maybe I’m being paranoid. Maybe it’s just a symptom of me worrying a lot lately about work and the future; having more time to think about it, more time to cover up my right eye and self-test. I hope so.

I’m not asking for sympathy here. I’m not trying to show you I am Wonder Woman. I watch the news and shows like RPA and know that people are dealing with far greater challenges. The world is full of amazing heroes and fighters.

What I do want to share is how goal setting and focus has been an anchor in my life. Prioritising, achieving and regular reality checks have seen me emerge through some stinky crap. Without focus, I'm pretty sure, I'd still be underneath it.

Whatever happens today, my short term list won’t really change. Worst case scenario, I’ll have to add to it. Life changing operations do tend to make you reassess what's really important. But at the end of this day I’ll still need a job. I’ll still need to have prepared a new CV with my new certificates and visit the venues I’ve identified for potential employment. My fitness and body shape will still be important to me, I’ll still have cardio and weight sessions to do and smart food choices to make. Bills to pay, people to see, cats to feed.

Even when life stops us in our tracks, life carries on.

That said, I absolutely acknowledge that mindset impacts us greatly. If it’s not great news tonight, then it’s very likely my current motivation will stop mid-list. I might not feel like cooking or exercising or writing this stuff down. So I’m doing it now.

A lot in our lives is out of our control because unfortunately, we are not the sole manipulators of our own reality. Life surprises us, sometimes our bodies defy us and often, other people disappoint us. Our focus needs to be on those things we can control. Keep ticking them off and progress, so that when something unpredictable happens, we’re more prepared to deal with it – emotionally and physically.

I might have a funny face, but in the end, I’m the same as you. I have challenges to meet, skeletons to drag out of the closet and stomp on and things I want to do. So do you.

It’s not what happens to us, it’s how we deal with it. Decide what you can control. Put it on a list; in your head, on your phone, on a piece of paper. Do it. Delete it. Move on.

What have I done?

25/10/10

Hm. I’ve been a little lax on List Girl over the last couple of days. I actually had to put her on the list, to make sure I did it. 3 weeks to form a habit and all that. I guess I haven’t been writing her long enough to make her habitual.

It’s been about 7 weeks since I had full time employment and while I know there are a lot of people way worse off, it’s definitely challenging me, continually, on all sorts of levels. The see-saw of up days / down days is starting to weigh the same both sides and I’m sitting at one end with my legs dangling in the air.

Sure, the list is working for me. I’m deleting stuff off it. Working towards becoming more employable. Ticking off the gym sessions, keeping a nice house. But I’m pretty sure that there’s something else I should be doing to make the most of this time that sooner or later, I’ll wish I had back.

I had my MRI today. I get my results on Thursday. It’s my one year follow up to see what’s going on inside my head. I joke with the radiologist that they won’t find anything in there, but that’s just scared talk.

Maybe it was the scan that put me back in that place that makes me ask myself, what have I contributed? What have I done? What will I leave behind? Whatever it was, working with my current To Do certainly wasn’t helping me answer any of those questions.

You know that great idea that you came up with all by yourself? The great idea that you talk to your friends about; proudly, because it’s such a brilliant frikken idea? You dream about it and it’s potential; fast-forward to the future when it’s made you rich.

Yeah well if you haven’t done anything about it, join the L Club, that’s the L for LOSER not List Girl Club because it’s ideas like that, the ones you’ve got a good gut feeling about that are SURE to come back c/- someone else in the future. You’ll be sitting down watching TV one day and there it is, on You Tube or The Morning Show or TVSN or (how big are you dreaming?), OPRAH, changing the world or being the new fad, in any case selling like hot cakes and making someone else rich and/or famous and/or respected and/or envied. None of which I am going to achieve with “Gym Session - resistance” on my To Do.

How many people out there are wishing they’d done something about their brilliant idea because now it's someone elses?

HTP is a project I started with a hiss and a roar last time I was unemployed. It’s one of those projects that has heaps of potential, well, no, ok, reality check; it has no potential right now because I’ve done nothing with it.

Of course I’m not going to tell you what it’s about.

The point is, I’m moving it up the list. Sure, it’s a dream, but it’s a solid one. And I am of the school that if you believe it, you can achieve it. *

And like this post, you can only make it happen, by committing to do it. Small tasks designed to get you closer to a larger goal. Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic* and Time Bound.

Whatever happens, I don’t want to be wishing I’d done something I felt was important, when I had the time. Or at least had a jolly good crack at it.

So, this morning my list looked like this:

To Do

Scans ready for MRI

Call Doctor Todes – change appointment

Pay first aid course

List Girl

Groceries

Write cover letter for bar work

Gym Session – resistance

Receipts to Medicare

Complete Barmax Course

Appointment made to see Accountant

Tax ready to go

Clean out kitchen drawer

I got some stuff done. Here it is now:

To Do

Write cover letter for bar work

HTP – Business Summary

Receipts to Medicare

Complete Barmax Course

Appointment made to see Accountant

Tax ready to go

Clean out kitchen drawer

Deadline end of week. Like I said, my short term list is ever changing. Is yours? If it’s not, then you’re not getting anything done.

*”If you believe it, you can achieve it.” should not be applied to unrealistic goals.  I’d love to have a body like Sophia Vergara from Modern Family, but it’s never going to happen. I’m just not built like that. I’ve seen it on Australia’s Got Talent, dancers who can’t. On Idol, singers who aren’t. I know people who say they’re musicians and they don’t play an instrument. Please check your dreams and tasks against the SMART criteria, paying particular and honest attention to the criteria REALISTIC and then get a second opinion. List Girl takes no responsibility for people who are in la-la land.

WIN!

20/10/10 7.30pm

To Do

Vacuuming

Vacuuming schmacuuming. Got a lot done, no time for silly snacking. So, that worked. I feel good.

Off to Bar School tomorrow to start on my bar & hospitality qualifications. Then I can start dealing with my secondary list. 

I should probably spend the weekend pouring drinks, for practice.

Boredom = Hunger

20/10/10

For me at least, apart from the excruciatingly frustrating issue of not earning any money… hunger is a major challenge of being unemployed.

I’m usually very disciplined with diet. I’ve been living and preaching what I call the “Free Day Lifestyle” for over 10 years, but recently I have not been walking the talk. In fact, I’ve been running in the other direction.

It started with some casual work I had a couple of weeks back; early mornings, late nights and crazy deadlines; my routine went out the window. I’d say that was the first time I hadn’t exercised for a straight week, in over a year.

Then my Dad and Lyn came. Nice dinners, sweet treats and spontaneous wine drinking; I got the exercise back on track but as far as my diet was concerned, I was on a permanent Free Day. And I’ve been hungry ever since.

I used to say 70% then Michelle Bridges said 80%... either way it’s not good if you’re consuming more calories than you spend. 100% of how you look and feel is made up by 20% how you exercise and 80% how you eat.

I am 100% sure I have stuffed this one up.

Yesterday I twittered, “Today is a good day for me to avoid anywhere with muffins, date scones, chocolate covered licorice or slow walking people." It’s funny, as soon as I posted it, I went to the supermarket. 

You don’t need to be a psychiatrist to analyse, that’s self sabotage.

I got home and twittered again. “Supermarket Stalking. Past the muffins. Past the scones. Past the licorice, twice. Got apples. Whoopee.”

I ate an apple. Then I ate a muesli bar. Then another one. I found a packet of pecan nuts in the cupboard. I ate a handful. Two handfuls. I think there are about three left. Enough for a Three Pecan Pie. Then there was some chicken, leftovers from the night before. Did I eat that or was it a dream? Nope. It’s gone from the fridge. I definitely ate it.

I completed and deleted two gym sessions off the list yesterday, but by the end of it, I was feeling like crap. Still hungry and still thinking about muffins, date scones and chocolate covered licorice. Honestly, as far as calorie count is concerned, I would have been better off skipping the gym and eating the muffin.

I’ve written it before. How I look and feel is a big deal to me, it’s the core of my confidence so WHY the self sabotage? WHY when I finally have the opportunity (albeit unemployment) to refocus myself, when I have all the time in the world to resume routine, am I setting myself up to bring myself down?

This is a fine example of a time when I can control or create my own reality.If I carry on the way I’m going, my reality will be that I’ll go into summer wishing I’d got my shit together.

I don’t want to be looking at those beautiful frocks in my wardrobe, wishing I could wear one. I don’t to be walking into a job interview, knowing that I could have done it with more confidence and energy. I don’t want to be looking at photos of myself from earlier this year, wondering what the hell happened.

Who knows, maybe there are other issues that are surfacing while I’ve got time to sit. I’m not qualified to analyse myself at that level. One thing I do know, boredom is definitely a major problem for me right now.

So, this morning I revisited my list.

I reprioritised it and thought of as many things as I could to fill up my day. Secondary tasks become short term tasks. Deadlines for the week become deadlines for the day. Small goals designed to achieve a bigger one – to feel good about myself by the end of the day.

If you don’t know me very well and you’re reading this, then you might think this is all rather extreme. I’m an extreme kind of personality. If I wasn’t, I never would have got on stage in a body building bikini. Extreme times, extreme measures and all that.

To quote Dr Phil again, “How’s that working for ya?!” There’s one I like. Ask yourself the question. How IS it working for ya?

Or Einstein: Insanity – doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

If what you’re doing now isn’t working for you, then you have to change the script.

So here’s my (today) To Do. Deadline today.

To Do

Gym session - cardio

Job Apps away - Job X

Mitch re: Fri morning

Call Jo.

Washing

Vacuum

Bathroom

Kitchen

Call Viva First aid re course

If boredom is my problem, then it’s not an option. 

Gosh I’m hungry.

Reality Check

18/10/10

That was a very hard weekend. I’m not sure whether it’s the unemployment, the fact that I’ve got an appointment for an MRI coming up, so they can look in  my brain and tell me what that stupid tumour is up to or whether it’s just a hangover from my Dad visiting with Lyn and me missing my Mum, but I’m very emotional right now; I feel like I’m losing control all over the place and I do not like it one bit.

And that was one long sentence.

I’m scared. I’m scared that I won’t be able to find a job. I’m scared that the eyesight in my left eye is trying to tell me something and I’m scared that one day I will lose my Dad.

Dr Phil said once that “We control our own reality.” I’d be happy to debate that. Unemployment became my reality when I lost the most rewarding, achieving job of my career. I had no say in that. Major surgeries, 3 of them, became my reality when I was diagnosed with the Meningioma. I didn’t put it in there. Losing my Mum. That’s a reality I was never ready to face. I tried so hard to try and stop that from happening, but it did.

I hear what you’re saying Doctor Phil, but I think maybe you were thinking more about the audio grab than actual reality when you came up with that one.

People who are starving or homeless or abused; animals who are neglected, farmed and tortured; the people who lose their livelihoods and their families in the bushfires, floods and earthquakes - all around the world there is evidence that our reality is often out of our control. What is in our control is how we deal with it.

So, slightly emotionally battered from a weekend of worrying and thinking too hard, I was up this morning, faced with two choices. I can progress today, or not. One thing was for sure, I didn’t want to spend it feeling the way I did yesterday, so “or not” became my only option.

First things first. Review the To Do.

This is what my short term list looked like this morning:

To Do

Call Doctor Sheehy

Job Apps away (followed by a list of job advertisements I’d saved)

Job W

Job X

Job Y

Job z

Gym Session - Cardio

Calling Doctor Sheehy’s office (my neurosurgeon) became the new 1^st priority on today’s list. I really didn’t want to do it. Putting him on that list kind of puts the whole tumour thing back on my list and I’d rather not. But he does need to know about the eyesight thing, so I had to make the call.

Stuff you don’t want to do. That’s called “Eating frogs.”

The nice lady at Doctor Sheehy’s office made an appointment for me to see him the day after I have my MRI so, as she put it, “We can nip it in the bud.” I hope there’s nothing to nip in the bud but there you go. I’ve done as much as I can to deal with that part of my reality for now. Next!

I’ve been dawdling around the job sites for a week now and saved four positions I feel quite qualified to apply for. This morning I made that list more specific, listing the jobs one by one so I can delete them as I get the application away.

Then my cardio session. I really shouldn’t have eaten those peanuts just then. Now I’m no good for fat burning for another 3 hours. Dammit.

Oh well. Nothing I can do about that ‘til then. I have to admit, I did create that reality, but that’s how it is.

And that’s my point.

I believe that we can’t always create our own reality. Peanuts are peanuts, easily dealt with. Unfortunately, the harshest realities are often the ones we never saw coming.

What we can create, is our response to those realities. First, we need to recognise what we can control and if necessary, do as much as we can to manipulate or affect the outcome. Secondly, we need to recognise what we can’t control and let it go.

I can’t control the result of that MRI at the end of the month. But I can make sure my surgeon knows what I’m worried about so we can go in prepared. I’ve done all I can do. Between now and then is out of my control. Worrying about it is wasted energy.

I can’t control that I’m not doing what I love to do and getting paid good money for it, but I can control what I do in order to gain full time work again. The job application is away. I can’t control what the recruiter will do with it. Now it’s out of my control. Over to them. Move on.

I’m still scared. I’m still frustrated. I’m still WAY out of my comfort zone. But as the day progresses, I tell you something else I can control. I can control that I feel out of control, by getting back IN control.

By recognising what I can’t change and letting it go.

By recognising what I can change and deciding what I need to do to change it.

Then by writing a list that requires me only to prioritise it and do what’s on it.

Write it. Do it. Delete it.

Sometimes easier said than done. But definitely always do-able.

To Do

Job Apps away

Job Y

Job Z

Gym Session - Cardio

Working the List

16/10/10

Like I said, I’ve been “listing” for years. It’s got me through some huge professional and physical challenges. It’s helped me achieve national placing in body building competitions, it’s helped me organise some big events and heal after 3 major surgeries. In the highlight of my career, it helped me build a hugely successful performing creative department as the only woman in an otherwise all-male executive team and right now, it’s helping me stay focused and motivated through this very challenging and confidence crushing period of being unemployed.

I really believe that how you “work” your list has a lot to do with how successful you are at ticking off those tasks and staying progressive. Forpeople who are interested in starting their own To Do list, or telling me how I could do mine better, I thought I should share my basic rules of Listing.

Rule #1: Prioritise

EASY STUFF FIRST

A mentor said to me once, “Do the easy stuff first.” This motto directly contradicts with that other axiom “Eat your frogs first” or “Worst first” which certainly have their place in the order of achieving things, but largely, I think the “Easy stuff first” plan is a good strategy.

Starting your day by achieving goals or tasks that are necessary but easy to complete is a good way to create some momentum for the rest of the day. So, at the top of my list are the things I want to get done today, or at a push, in the next couple of days. Short term tasks.

Ideally, tasks in the short term list are listed in the order I’ll get them done. Note that. Not necessarily in the order I’d like to get them done, but in the order I’ll realistically get them done. For instance, this morning, my short term list looks like this:

To Do

1,000 Cal Cardio

Payslip vs Time sheets

First Aid – call re: invoice?

The 1,000 Calorie Cardio is exercise for fitness. It’s what I do on Saturdays. If I achieve nothing else on a Saturday, then starting my weekend by burning 1,000 calories is a pretty positive way into the weekend. It’s a mindless, automated, purely physical task and it makes me feel good.

The other two tasks are just administration things. Things I need to get done by Monday.

I’m compelled to remind you here, that I am not some adrenalin addicted, gym-bunny super freak. I don’t wake up on a Saturday morning busting to exercise.  Like anyone, I fight the internal debate and can come up with some amazing excuses about why I don’t need to do it. But I do do it. I do it,because it’s on my list and I can’t delete it ‘til it’s done. I think about how I’ll feel after it’s done. The satisfaction of demonstrating that I care about my body enough to stay dedicated to fitness goals; 1,000 calories in the bank so I can enjoy the deliciousness the weekend will bring with little guilt and most of all, the satisfaction in deleting it off my list. In over 6 months of having 1,000 Cal Cardio on my Saturday “To Do”, I have only missed 1. That’s the power of listing.

Below the short term list, I list tasks with lesser priority than NOW. In my own list, these tasks should be completed within anywhere from 1 week to 1month. Again, I list them in priority, or in the most likely order  they’ll happen.Currently, my secondary list looks like this:

Blog – rules of the To Do

Release List Girl - go public

Complete Barmax Course

Casual pay received?

Appointment made to see Accountant

Tax ready to go

Clean out kitchen drawer

As you’ll see, not everything on my list is a major or crucial task. Things like “Clean out kitchen drawer” are just things that I’d like to get done, things I’ll feel better after achieving. As trivial as these things may seem, I think it’s really important to list them. Organisational things like “cleaning out the wardrobe” or “filing” are things that once done, help us feel more in control of our everyday lives.

The secondary list often includes reminders following achievement of tasks on my short term To Do. For instance, “Pay versus Time Sheets” is an administration task on my short term list. Once that’s done and deleted off my list, I’ll be waiting to receive payment from that client.  “Casual pay received?” is a goal that I can delete, once I have received payment.

In order to help me set more specific deadlines on the secondary tasks, I often add smaller stepping stone tasks. For example, it’s time to do our tax (yawn) so “Tax ready to go” (all the painful paperwork) is on the secondary list.

Before we can see the accountant, we need to make an appointment, so “Appointment made to see Accountant” is now on the list. This will help me set a deadline for “Tax ready to go”.

My “Find bar course” evolved to “Book BARMAX” which evolved to actually booking the course. Now it stands at “Complete Barmax Course”.

As you re-visit your list, establishing what you need to do to move forward on longer term tasks and goals, your list will evolve and ideally, longer term tasks will develop deadlines.

Another note, just while I’m here. Just because it’s on your longer term list, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t attempt it now. Sometimes we’re inspired to make progress on these longer term projects. Go with the flow. Whatever order it’s in, the objective is to get it done.

Rule #2: SMART

ALL TASKS SHOULD BE SPECIFIC, MEASURABLE, ACHIEVABLE, REALISTIC AND TIME BOUND.

As you probably read, I was caught out with my own To Do earlier this week! Tasks that are not time bound are likely, not achieved. All tasks on the short term list should be time bound. If you can’t identify or commit to a short term deadline, then they don’t belong on that list.

Rule #3 – progressive tasks only

WHAT’S IN IT FOR ME?

There are things we’d all like to do that are not constructive or of benefit to anyone. I get angry, I get frustrated. I get to the point where I’d like to collect blood. There are people in this world who I would like to meet in the street and slap around the head, but it doesn’t go on my To Do.

It only goes on my To Do if directly or indirectly, it is of benefit to me. Sometimes it is of benefit to me, by doing something good for someone else. But any task that will directly or indirectly hurt impact negatively on anyone else is never listed.

Rule #4– if it’s on the list, it needs to be done.

The list is not for tasks that you’re having second thoughts about, tasks that you don’t know if you’ll get done. All the emotional negotiating and self-debate needs to be dealt with before you write it on the list. If you’re still having second thoughts, it doesn’t go on the list.

If you are procrastinating, in order to progress, put a deadline on the decision. Eg; “Apply for job X (or not) by 5pm today.”

Once you’ve decided you want to get something done, put it on the list. Once it’s on the list, you have made a commitment to get it done.

Rule#5 – you can only cross it off when it’s done.

This is where “specific” really kicks in. Word your tasks so that by looking at them, you can instantly know whether they have been done or not.

“Get fit” is not a specific goal. As a longer term goal “Run 1km under 5mins” is very specific. Look at it. You’ve either done it, or not. Right?

In order to get there, identify shorter term, more specific goals that will help you get there.

With the goal of running 1km in under 5mins, your short term To Do might read like this;

3 x 1km runs this week

Or, better still, you could break it down and be even more specific;

Mon – 1km run

Wed – 1 km run under 8mins

Fri – 1 km run under 7mins 50secs

The more specific, the better. And as I’ve said before; tasks, especially short term tasks, evolve as you achieve.

If on Wednesday, you ran 1km in 7mins 30secs, then your Friday task would change to reflect that. E.g:

Fri – 1km run under 7mins 30secs.

Now, at the end of the day on Friday, decide whether you achieved that task.  If you ran at 7mins 45secs, then your goal doesn’t get deleted from the list. Give it another deadline. Maybe:

Mon – 1km run under 7mins 30secs

Life is unpredictable. It can throw things at you that change your plan. If that happens, the To Do changes, I’ll give you that.

In my own experience though, the things that need to be done in order for us to improve ourselves, move forward towards or achieve our goals, stay the same until we’ve achieved them.

If your fitness goal is to lose 5kg by December 10 and you’ve got your exercise plan all worked out and everything is going smoothly and according to plan…

Then you get a new job on November 20 which throws a big fat spanner in your exercise regime…

Unless your job was a role in a movie where you actually have to gain weight to convincingly play the part, you still have 5kg to lose.

Did you do it? Or not? It doesn’t get deleted off the list ‘til it has been done as you have written it.

The Wish List

Below the longer term task list is a list I refer to as “Wish list”. Ideas I’ve had, projects I’d like to get started on; low priority To Do’s that I sometimes thinkabout or would like to dedicate more time to, but have yet to develop. My own wish list, “list” is very generic and spontaneous. It includes titles, idea starters, themes and reminders for future publications and presentations.

While this list is more “notes” than specific tasks or goals and doesn’t change like the short term or long term list, I’ve found it very beneficial to have it on my To Do.

My “To Do” is a list I visit every day. Having “wish list” ideas and projects on it, keeps them “alive” to a certain extent; reminding me about great ideas I’ve had and keeping them front of mind in case I should find the opportunity, the time or the inspiration to move forward.

Blog was on my wish list once. Now it’s for real.

Summary

My “To Do” is made up of 3 lists; short term, secondary and wish list. I apply the rules to my short term list and reprioritise longer term lists to include deadlines as the tasks develop.

Rule #1: Prioritise

Rule #2: SMART

Rule #3: Progressive tasks only

Rule #4: If it’s on the list, it must be done.

Rule #5: You can only cross it off when it’s done.

A List Revelation

15/10/10

Not much life-shifting stuff on the list today. This morning it looked like this;

To Do

1 hour job sites

BARMAX

Washing

Groceries

Bathroom

Gym Session (cardio)

My Dad and Lyn left today, on their way to Brisbane. I was up at 4.30 to take them to the airport and when I got home, I realised how exhausted I was. Mostly because of cost or work or having no regular work to afford on the cost, I haven’t been back to NZ to see my Dad for two years.

Their visit was quite a big deal. My beautiful mother passed away in September 2006. Earlier that year she had come to visit us in Australia. She was not well. The doctors in New Zealand had said there was nothing they could do for her. I’d organised for her to see a heart specialist in Sydney. I was so scared that we were going to lose her.

It was her first visit to our home since we had been here and it was a major challenge for her to get here. By then, she was on a lot of medication. She’d lost a lot of weight. Walking long distances was a struggle. But she was so determined to do the trip and ecstatic when she arrived. I remember seeing her appear at the arrival gate, beaming and looking beautiful. She yelled out, huge smile; “I made it!” She was so proud of herself. Maybe she knew it would be the last time we’d see her.

I also remember her saying when she was here, several times, how much she’d like to come back with my Dad, so they could visit together. Of course, that never happened.

Like all of us, my Dad was lost without her. He had loved her unconditionally for 36 years. I worried about him for a long time after she passed away.

Some months ago, I learned on Twitter, from my niece who was at a gathering where she had just found out herself, that my Dad was engaged to a woman I’d never met.

I was angry. Not at him, not at her, but at how it had all happened… I found myself asking the question, asked many times before and many times since; when do we get to the point in our lives we start worrying about our parents?! Being grown up fully sucks sometimes.

Anyway, my point is, meeting Lyn for the first time and having them stayingwith us was quite a big deal. Add to that, the promise of full-time work ‘til Christmas withdrawn the day before they arrived; I knew it was going to be a challenging week.

The list lived through it. I used it to set simple tasks to stay focused on fitness and the new challenge of job hunting while they were here. I used it to make sure we were good hosts, that they were comfortable and well fed. I wanted my Dad to know that I am happy he is happy. Hm. Another one of those parent / child role reversal observations. For so much of our lives, our parents just want us to be happy. Too bad we don’t try and return the favour sooner.

Something else the list did, that I’ve only just realised. I think it took some destructive emotion out of the week.

Where I might have begrudged the fact I was required to welcome this new woman into my life and into our home, clean and cook and make them comfortable… potentially emotional situations became simple tasks to tick off.

To Do

Groceries

Write menu for tonight

Washing

Where I might have used the excuse that we had visitors to rain check the odd training session, again, there it was.

Gym session

Same excuse fully applicable to job hunting while the guests were here. Admit, I struggled with that, but because of the list, I got more done than I’d anticipated.

BARMAX

Today, I registered for the course and will complete it next week.

All non-emotional, simply worded tasks. Some tasks set to get closer to bigger goals, some just to keep things in order. The objective for all of them is the same. To delete them off the list.

Right now, my list looks like this;

To Do

Gym Session – cardio.

Oh well. 5/6 ain’t bad. Especially since I would rather have spent the day on the couch.

I have to say, I cried when I was writing this today. I cried a lot. Like wailed. The cats were looking at me like “what the hell is going on?”But now, I’m calm. I feel good. Relieved. I’m happy that my Dad and Lyn enjoyed their stay. I’m happy I continued to achieve things for myself while they were here and I’m really happy I got this all written down because it was a good thing to do.

This one’s for my Mum. She was the most amazing, brave, stoic, determined, self-proud woman I’ll ever know. I hope the best parts of her are in me and that wherever she is, she’s proud.

To Do Too Hard?

14/10/10

Some days, you just don’t want To Do anything. For me, today is one of those days. Even writing this blog was a mission. I stopped. I started.I procrastinated.

I continued because I want to share that even people who relish ticking off lists and achieving things, sometimes hit the wall. 

Right now, my list looks like this;

To Do

Book BARMAX

Just the one To Do.

I’ve hit the wall because if you’d told me 5 years ago that at the age of 38, I’d be looking for waitressing work, I would have told you you’ve got the wrong girl.

I’m a copywriter by profession. I made a very successful career of it. Then one year, I made a staff decision that changed my career forever. It was a big mistake.

And some years later, after several erratic periods of work in my true profession, I’m looking at a To Do telling me to get qualified so I can beg for a job to serve people drinks. Talk about role reversal. 5 years ago, I was very happy on the other side of the bar.

So, I’ve stalled. If I book the course today, then I suddenly feel like I’m admitting I’m good for nothing else.

Don’t misunderstand me. I’ve worked in hospitality before. In New Zealand, at a restaurant in Ponsonby, Auckland called “Mosso”. I had a lot of fun in those years. I learned a lot about the industry and the customer. I was a good waitress. It’s just that I always saw that part of my life as life experience on the way to better things. I thought that part was done and dusted.

I think you’re always going to have those days when a To Do goes in the Too Hard basket.

Yesterday I was positive. Today I am not. Reality check. Nothing has changed since yesterday except my perspective.

Perspective:

At the end of this day, a day I’m never going to get back by the way, it will either have been a constructive day, or not. And while every day is different, if I go for the “not” option, then I know for sure that tomorrow, I’ll regret that I didn’t do more with a perfectly good Thursday.

Facts:

1. I don’t have to register for the bar course today.
2. Tomorrow, I don’t want to regret that I got nothing done today.

So, 1 aside and 2 in mind, I need to add some smaller more achievable goals to my list today. Things I like doing.

To Do

Bake a slice - My Dad and his girlfriend oops sorry fiancée, (long-story-different-blog) have been visiting from NZ. They’re off to Brisbane tomorrow. I’ll send them off with a nice slice.

Gym Session - if the most common excuse for people not exercising is, “I haven’t got time” (which, by the way is highly debatable don’t get me started)… then while I’m unemployed, I certainly can’t make that excuse, can I? Exercise always makes me feel better. 

Write menu for tonight. (Or Bake a Slice contd.) Their last night here. I’ll make a special dinner. People who know me know that baking and entertaining are two of my favourite therapies.

1 hour on Job sites – this isn’t something I like doing, but I compromised with myself. If I put a time limit on it, then I’ll more likely do it. And even though it’s just an hour, it’s an hour more constructive than I’d intended, considering the way I feel right now.

Not a life changing list, but definitely an improvement on the earlier version. And as I press publish, I’m already better off than I was this morning.

Why To Dos don't get done

13/10/10 

This morning, the only thing left on my list was the most important thing;

Job Seek.

My bad. You don’t have to be Tony Robbins to identify that To Do had a serious discrepancy. It was non specific.

Bear with me for a moment. The SMART rules of goal setting; Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Time Bound.

My other 3 tasks were all of those things. All realistic, achievable goals with a self-set deadline of the day and measurable because by the end of the day, they would either be done, or not. Most of all, they were all very specific. Make a phone call. Go for a drive. Go to the gym. Pretty self-explanatory. But “Job Seek”? What the hell is that? I kind of did it. I looked. That’s seeking. But job seek what? Job seek how? Job seek when?

It was a non specific goal so nothing got done and today I’m no closer to finding employment than I was yesterday.

My general rule of listing is that it doesn’t get deleted until it’s done. Putting "Job Seek" as #1 on my list, is like writing “Lose weight”. If the end goal can only be reached by achieving smaller goals, then smaller, specific, achievable goals should be listed.

Crossing those To Dos off your list, or deleting them or checking them or whatever you do when you’ve done them isn’t just satisfying, good for your confidence and your motivation, it keeps you achieving.

Big tasks, small tasks, even mundane begrudge tasks like paying a bill or cleaning the fridge, once you’ve ticked them off, you’re better off than you were before you hadn’t.

The idea of writing a To Do is to stay progressive.  So this morning I got more specific with "Job Seek".

To Do

Create new job searches – recreation and hospitality (beggars can’t be choosers, I need to make myself more available for more jobs)

Find Bar Course (because I can’t work in hospitality if I don’t have the qualifications)

Gym session

New training plan

Oven / kitchen floor

Tasks to get me closer to my employment and fitness goals and the mundane domestic tasks which just help me feel a little  more in control, in this highly unpredictable world.

All specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and time-bound with a deadline of today.

I was up at 5.30. It's 10.30am. Now my list looks like this;

To Do

Book BARMAX

New training plan

Kitchen floor

Smart. 

Understanding the To Do

12/10/10

My To Do List is a word document simply titled: To Do. It’s not fancy, it’s not integrated, it’s not synched with my phone, it’s just a list. It’s the most visited document on my computer and it is ever changing.

Each day I visit it to remind myself what I want To Do. Whenever I think of something that needs to be done, I add to it. When I’ve done a task, I delete it. The idea is to end up with a blank page.

Of course, that’s never going to happen is it? There’s always something to be done.

The order my To Do’s appear in, are the order they should be done. Or ideally done. Or at least, in the order I think I’ll get them done.

For instance; this morning, my To Do looked like this;

To Do

Job seek

Viva First Aid

Gym session

Blog update

Job Seek because I’m currently unemployed.

Viva First Aid because I’m a qualified personal trainer and it’s time to renew my first aid certificate

Gym Session because my own fitness and how I feel about my body is a big priority in my life

Blog update because when I do something I like to do it right and I should really be updating every day

My Dad and his fiancée are visiting from New Zealand. On Friday they’re going to Brisbane and I’ve got to get them to the airport for a crazy early flight on Friday morning.

Thing is, I’ve never driven to the domestic airport before and even after 8 years in Sydney, driving somewhere I’ve never driven before makes me nervous.

So, right now, my To Do looks like this;

To Do

Job seek

Viva First Aid

Dummy run to domestic

Gym session

Blog update

Yes, I’m going to do a dummy run to the airport.

Really, the most important thing for me to be doing right now is finding full time employment. I had a snoop around Seek this morning, half-heartedly; I saved a couple of advertisements to get back to later. But I’m feeling kind of bummed right now. Uninspired. My confidence is cracking.

Like life, the most important things don’t always happen the way you’d like them to.

Job seek or “application away” and gym session are 2 To Do’s that are pretty much a permanent task on my list right now.

Further down my To Do are lesser priorities, longer term projects, stuff I’d “like to get done in an ideal world” and reminders for follow ups. We’ll get round to those later.

Looking back at my list, I realise that every task has its own story behind it. No doubt I’ll elaborate more about them on the way.

And as I press publish, it changes again.

To Do

Job seek

Viva First Aid

Dummy run to domestic

Gym session

To Do List #7

You know the blog you wish you’d written? The book you wish you’d penned? The journal that diarises all the crazy shit that just happened, but you never got round to it because all this crazy shit was happening? Well, this is mine.

As you can probably guess, there’s not much happening right now. That’s the whole reason why this thing is. I don’t know what’s going to happen next. All I know is that writing a book or a blog is something I’ve often wished I’d done, the moment the story concluded. When I was a bulimic teenager. When got a tumour in my head and had that first operation. Then the second. Then the third. When my Mother died. When I made the worst management decision of my career. When I became unemployed. For the first time. And the second. When I competed in body building, yes, I did that twice too.

Like everyone, I have had my challenges, my disappointments and my triumphs. I understand that I’m no different to anyone else and I guess that’s part of me wanting to write it down. I think it’s important that we all understand that we’re not the only ones dealing with all the crazy shit. Maybe if we shared a bit more, it would be easier to keep it in perspective, for ourselves and for others. We can learn from each other, relate to each other and very likely realise that we are not unique in our frustrations or our ability to overcome them. We all have good stories and they all have an ending. In between, there are some interesting chapters. We should share them.

Whatever story I’m telling, apart from me being the main character, one thing is constant. Lists. I’ve been a list writer for most of my adult life. Lists have helped me organise and prioritise. They’ve helped me manage, delegate, set goals and kick them. They’ve helped me lose weight and gain it. Lists have probably kept me sane. When I feel as though I’m getting nowhere, lists help me to achieve things.

Hey, I’ll tell you right now. I’m no list wonder woman. I’m not running seminars about how list writing can change your life. I have stuff on my list that’s been there for months while I procrastinate; usually by ticking off something that’s easier to do. Or if there’s nothing easier to do, thinking of something easier to do and adding that to my list. The way I see it, as long as I’m ticking things off, big or small, I’m making progress.

Number 7 on my To Do List right now is "blog". It's been there for a while.

Over the years I've composed bits of it in my head. Some of it I've Face Booked or edited for Twitter. Some moments exist in word documents, filed under To Do 2006, '07, '08, '09 and To DO 2010... most of it unwritten, drafted in my mind; all different chapters, concluded in life but never in words. I guess by the time I ever got 'round to realising the plot, the story was already over and a new one had begun.

Today is the beginning of a new story. I have no idea how many chapters will be in it or how it will end, but after all these years, I finally know what I should call it. And as I press "publish post", it starts with me ticking off something I've been meaning To Do for ages.

My best girl friend in NZ called me "List Girl" once. I'm going to roll with that.